Friendship!

Someone said "A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.”

Over the years we have all made friendships. Some are going on strong, some are out there somewhere, hardly in touch, some are probably forgotten (hopefully by both parties!!). How do you define a friend? I struggle to categorize people in my phone especially when I have a group called friends? Who gets to fit into that category in my phone list? Are those casual acquaintances (probably met them on one or two occasions, chit chatted a bit) friends or are they still strangers? Who are friends? I think that's one question we could answer based on how we define the term "friend."

Irrespective of how we define who "friends" are, the maintaining of that special bond requires mutual efforts. Friendship begins when "likeness" in the other is recognized - C.S Lewis said “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”

You notice someone who is like you (and maybe in some cases, equally weird) and it becomes much easier to build friendship with that person. Some friendship start enthusiastically, and then we move on quickly to the next "new" one. Some friendship stays around much longer with each year strengthening it.

As we look to make friends, what are some filters/criteria/requirements that we bring to the table? Probably a whole lot of points to look out for (or not). And maybe sometimes we think that these requirement must be true of that person without giving a second thought to ourselves.

SO THEN HOW DO WE "DO" FRIENDSHIP?
For a start here are three questions to ponder on:

What do I want in a friend? (my expectations)
What kind of a friend am I?/Do I have those qualities that I want? (my strengths/meeting up with my own expectations)
What qualities must I have cultivate to be a better friend? (my commitment to growth)
While these could possibly be answered with a number of reasons and multiple ways, here are three qualities offered to be "possible" answers to the questions:

TRUST: Friendship is about trust. It is about learning to keep the confidentiality of the person who pours out their hearts and thoughts to you. It is about giving trust as much as expecting and receiving trust. It flows both ways - given as much as received.

TRUTH: On the other end, it is also about personal truth. It is not only the speaking but the living out of the truth of the friendship that matters. Truth is necessary to maintain trust and accountability. Truth brings out the rich and strong hues of friendship, and though sometimes truth hurts (both ways), it is through that process that healing take place. Much like trust, truth work both ways, given and received.

LOVE: At the core of every friendship should be love which motivates and drives that friendship. Love becomes the key why we guard the trust entrusted and speak the truth that is necessary. We speak the truth in love to help not to shame. Love (a much abused word) in this sense is a genuine concern and interest in the welfare of the other. Love can be deceiving in that it is given because something is expected in return. In our thoughts, it is about "selfless" love where reciprocation is not the "sole" criteria to love. Every feeling wants reciprocation and rightly so, but if that is the primary rule, that there should always be a favourable reciprocation, then would not love lose its full essence?

WHO THEN IS A FRIEND?
A friend is someone whom you can trust, who will tell you the truth that you need to hear and who will do that in love. Here's to friendship that makes our lives a shade more beautiful, add variants to our story and even to those "not so good" ones (may they never happen again) that have taught us valuable lessons.